Round 2....

Here we come... No babies this month. I am fairly certain I still haven't ovulated so I should probably make an appointment if I don't again this month but honestly I am so sick of drs... plus I am dreading my next visit as I have to have blood I am getting so much anxiety thinking about having to start the clomid again. Holy crap it makes me so stinking sensitive and depressed. I know that why I/we are going through seems so horrible and so sad but then I hear about other people that have had so many miscarriages and so on that this seems almost like cake. I know that is weird but my heart goes out to these ladies. I am thankful that we are being given the chance to at least try on our own before I can't have kids even if we only get to have one healthy baby I will be happy.

That is actually the first time I have really thought that out loud. I know that eventually if the pain keeps up I will have to have surgery and most likely that means removing my ovary and possibly both depending on the size of the masses/cysts. Growing up I was always around kids and never really thought I would be a mom because I was so into wanting a career, to travel etc... all things that having kids wouldn't be "easy". Then being told you may never be able to have your own kids is something I don't know if you will ever get over and it is so true you always desperately want what you cannot have. Every day I am thankful for Galen and thankful that he was adopted into an amazing family and can truly remind me that it is not over, that we still have options.

I know as hard as this is on me it is probably even harder on Galen. I tend to push people away and I hate to talk about my feelings especially when they make me cry. I know he wishes he could stop my pain (emotional and physical) but it's so hard to express to him how thankful I am for him and everything he does. I know that yoga has helped me find something to occupy my mind and I am in a much better place than I was a couple months ago.