Story of how we got here....

I was reading some of my journaling from about this time last year. About this time last year I was just being diagnosed with massive complex cysts and hormone issues and possibly had cancer. I was also told that I would probably never have a baby and for sure not on our own. One dr. called it PCOS because of the amount of cysts I produce but said I didn't fit the norm for it. So really they don't know what it is/was but just wanted to give it a label. I was immediately started on Clomid and told if we wanted any chance of having a baby it was no or never....

After about 5-6 cycles of Clomid and still lots of pain and no results and a Dr. that didn't know why he was seeing me. Let alone he told me I might have cancer and needed to be screened for the next year... I found a new dr. This dr. gave me hope when I had lost it. He told me looking at my charts and stuff that he didn't see anything that was too concerning or that ruled out kids. He ran blood tests, ultrasound and got me in for a HSG scan to make sure I didn't have other things going on that were being masked by my cysts and what not. Then he called me a couple days later and said my hormones were a lot more normal than the past and my ultrasound showed my cyst was smaller but still there and explained that the cyst can make their own hormones or stop normal production. So he recommended that I remain on some kind of fertility treatment due to no success with Clomid and that my progesterone was on the low side and agreed that I should start trying now due to the history of complex cysts and all that. But first Galen had to be checked too... Poor Galen. He was a trooper but I felt bad for him and his sperm test. The next week we went in and Galen was normal so we were able to continue with his treatment plan. He put me on something beginning with a L and said that the good news is that for the next 90 days due to the HSG my fertility would be hire because it clears your fallopian tubes and your uterus out and then add the other fertility meds I would have more of a chance. He explained that normal people have a 15% chance of getting pregnant each month and I was way below that and this would put me back up to about a 10% which is pretty good considering. So we waited and start the meds. He said in 90 days we would re-evalutate because with conditions like me he doesn't like to do the same thing for more than 3 months. So Galen and I talked and with the emotional state I was in after months of Clomid and the strain it put on me that we would due the 90 days and then decide. In my mind it was 90 days and then stop because I didn't think I could take it anymore.

It was a Sunday the first of July... I was off work and we were headed to breakfast and then grocery shopping and so since I needed to fill my meds again and you have to test before taking them I was like I gotta pee so I will just test and call in my RX so we can pick it up while we are on that side of town. Instantly it was a pregnant sign... I looked at it in disbelief, it had only been 1 month.... I walked in to Galen's bathroom and set it on the counter cuz I couldn't talk and he flips around and says is that good? that's good right? And I finally get out we are pregnant! He hugs me and says he loves me. We tested again a few times just to be sure. All were yes!! He was dying to tell people so he texted his family and I sent mine a pic of the pregnant test. His mom called immediately and was so happy. My family didn't respond... Finally I call and my mom's phone wasn't getting the picture. After sending it multiple times I finally sent it to my aunt and SIL. Luckily my whole family was together and they were all so excited. My mom is really the only one that knows what all I have went thru and I probably haven't even explained it all as it was so hard to talk about with out crying so most of them were in disbelief that we decided to have a baby.... but oh sooooo happy and excited!!! I was nervous about telling anyone before 13 weeks because of miscarriage and what not but Galen was like we need the happy news and we need the support if something bad happens so that made me feel better. We told a couple close friends too and then waited till the 12 weeks to tell the world after the dr said it was very minimal chance to miscarry now:)

Round 2....

Here we come... No babies this month. I am fairly certain I still haven't ovulated so I should probably make an appointment if I don't again this month but honestly I am so sick of drs... plus I am dreading my next visit as I have to have blood I am getting so much anxiety thinking about having to start the clomid again. Holy crap it makes me so stinking sensitive and depressed. I know that why I/we are going through seems so horrible and so sad but then I hear about other people that have had so many miscarriages and so on that this seems almost like cake. I know that is weird but my heart goes out to these ladies. I am thankful that we are being given the chance to at least try on our own before I can't have kids even if we only get to have one healthy baby I will be happy.

That is actually the first time I have really thought that out loud. I know that eventually if the pain keeps up I will have to have surgery and most likely that means removing my ovary and possibly both depending on the size of the masses/cysts. Growing up I was always around kids and never really thought I would be a mom because I was so into wanting a career, to travel etc... all things that having kids wouldn't be "easy". Then being told you may never be able to have your own kids is something I don't know if you will ever get over and it is so true you always desperately want what you cannot have. Every day I am thankful for Galen and thankful that he was adopted into an amazing family and can truly remind me that it is not over, that we still have options.

I know as hard as this is on me it is probably even harder on Galen. I tend to push people away and I hate to talk about my feelings especially when they make me cry. I know he wishes he could stop my pain (emotional and physical) but it's so hard to express to him how thankful I am for him and everything he does. I know that yoga has helped me find something to occupy my mind and I am in a much better place than I was a couple months ago. 

I left my heart in Montana...

If home is where your heart is my home is definately UTAH Montana....I miss the wide open, the smell of the mountain air, waking up to the river rushing by and the sounds the mountains have... Don't get me wrong Utah has it's perks but it has nothing on Montana's beauty...  I love going home and seeing my family but it always seems a week is not long enough to get done all I want. All the fun things, like floating the Coeur d' Alene river or huckleberry picking rather eating huckleberries, camping ok campfires and fishing... Who would have thought I would say I miss fishing. The girl that felt so bad for the fishies that she kissed them better before throwing them back in the water ya that girl... I miss fishing! Eating fish no, eating sushi yes! Weird I know... But I really do miss Montana this time of the year... well and Fall to but other than that you can keep your winters Montana! I like my sunshine!!

But most of all I miss my family! I miss my grandparents and I miss my cousins and picking on my little brother and listening to my older brother tell stories (if you know him, this may suprise you as he doesn't talk much). I miss And I miss my Sunday morning breakfast with my parents and my brothers and sitting around my grandparents table talking and enjoying each other.... but now I have a cute little nephew and a cute little niece that I love so much and wish I could see every day!!

Luckily while I was home I got to attend my little nephews birthday party, we had a family BBQ the only family member not in attendance was my husband.... G we missed you! :( but that's ok he can't avoid MT forever LOL! I pretty much had an awesome week and wish it would have lasted for-ev-ER!

From the coast to the forest and so....

The Oregon coast might just be one of my favorite places....  It has all my elements I love...minus no Palm trees :( ok and well it needs to be warmer but it does have the ocean and waves and pine trees and awesome views so this is why it rates amongst my favorite places in the world.

 Galen's mom took us to the Coast Friday where we spent a beautiful afternoon. We brought Mario (the dog) who was so excited he could hardly contain himself. It was pretty bright so I got a few shots but most didn't turn out so well... But we got to see the ocean and well that was worth an exchange for crappy pictures.

Eagle Creek... A hike with Galen's parents and of course Mario!

 Seriously doesn't the picture^ (above) look like it is in a jungle some where or something??? Well my friends it, is not. It is however, just outside of Portland. PS. I sacrificed my body to get this shot... that is I fell in the water and boy was it cold. I think my feet are still water logged. If I get thirsty on the flight home I will just squeeze out some feet water and have a sip...JK that's gross!!

 We crossed that creek...Yes we did... OK OK.. there were cement stepping stones about 5 ft up the creek from the logs so it wasn't as intense but for my coolness you can still imagine I crossed this intense monster!

 One of my favorite things about hiking in Oregon is that there is moss on everything... I wish pictures could capture it as I see it in my brain... This is how I see it.... Well first let me tell you I was skipping along side Galen on the way back down and just started singing the Wizard of OZ... So that tells you right there it is magical and wizardie (yes I made that word up) So back to my discription... This moss hangs from everything and it's like at any moment the trees and rocks are going to come alive and dance or something like forests in cartoons. You know when you were a kid and you thought all trees had faces on them that talked... Yes this is what hiking in Oregon reminds me of! So hence why I was skipping along side my husband as we were hiking back down.

On this trail there were many, many waterfalls but this one is the most awesomest one ever. It is called Punch bowl. What it reminds me of is that intertube ride at the water park that whips you side to side (the one you always try to see if you can make it to the top) and then spits you out into the pool... This is natures version only on crack! This would be one bad ace ride!

Love=Like+Like

It has been some time since I have posted but I have been super busy at work. That is my excuse and I am stickin' to it.

My sweet husband brought me home the CUTEST vintage suitcase! What husband would subject himself to PotteryBarn?? (yes his co-worker wanted to stop but he still gets full credit in my eyes) After all, he did call and ask if I wanted anything. Then when I said I don't really "need" anything, he still suprised me with an awesome gift. Yes that's right my husband rocks! The best part is he picked out an awesome gift with no help from me. He knows me too well! It is perfect and it put the finishing touch on my stack of random vintage suitcases I have! Needless to say I love my husband and I love that he never fails to amaze me! G you are amazing! (not that you will ever see this but in case you do. You are the best!)

Thursday was a pretty awesome day,  suprise gift from PotteryBarn and I also scored a sweet table at the DI (Utah's version of Good Will) for $6. Can you believe that?? I still can't but don't worry I will post some before and after pictures when I redo it. I also found some stencils that I will be painting on my wall to make faux wallpaper. I am very excited! 2 reason's, first my walls need something different and second wallpaper sucks to peel off so when I get tired of it I will just have to paint over it! Sounds perfect to me!

Sail away with me...

Spring is in the air....Well, not so much in the air but in the stores. But I am still dreaming of the warm days and cool nights, the sounds of the ocean, the breeze floating the smell of the sweet salty air past your nose. On top of that, I have found the perfect shoe for my summer attire! I adore them and can't wait to see them sitting in my closet waiting to slip on my feet.
You can check them out here...
http://www.ae.com/web/browse/product.jsp?catId=cat380151&productId=0419_1785
I can't wait to get these super duper cute boat shoes. There is also a cute, cute blue and white stripped sun dress there I want too. Then, I just need a sailboat. Who wants to buy me one and teach me how to sail??

I am so stoked for the nautical theme that is in this Spring. I do love me some strips. Add in blue and white combo to that and I am in heaven. Oh how I adore this combo. Old Navy has gotten in some cute skirts and what not and I can't wait to use my super cool employee discount and buy me some cute new outfits. Check out whats new at ON here...www.oldnavy.com

Recently, I have been on a search for a cute leather cross body purse for when we go to Hawaii and SCORE, I found one tonight. My husband was so kind to buy me this super cute purse for $10 at AE. Yes, you read that right ten buck-a-roos. I think that is the cheapest purse I have ever bought and I adore it. You might find it weird that I bought a purse specifically for Hawaii but oh if you were in my brain you would understand.

So I must share.... It is my sole purpose in life to accumulate as many cute handbags and shoes as I can. If you know me, you will know that I have an addiction. Unfortunately, these handbags are usually very large and in charge. Coach is my BFF. If you don't own a COACH handbag, I highly recommend running out and buying one. I also adore my Doonies oh man now I want a new Spring bag...Shoot rambling again... Back to the story.

In years past I have always brought my big old handbag with me to Hawaii and have found that it is extremely inconvenient to carry this big handbag around along with my tote for the beach and all other stuff you must take to the beach. So this year, I plan to condense the big a$$ purse and use my cross body. One might ask why I don't just use my purse and not bring the tote. Well, I must tell you, you can not go to the beach with out a beach tote. duh! At least that is the method to my madness and what I tell my husband. Plus I don't want my tanning oil to dump and ruin my purse :0) So there you have it my version of crack.

You are the Apple of my eye...

For Christmas Galen and his family got me a Macbook and let me just tell you.... Apple knows what they are doing. Why did I wait so long to make you part of my life?? Everything is just so simple and amazing. I will never go back now. Yes, I am one of those people! Now, I am not so patiently waiting for the Iphone to be released on Verizon... Feb. 10th can't come fast enough. Now go buy a Mac